A Grief Observed

Thoughts from "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis.

Have you ever had the experience of someone "acting out of character" or "I thought I knew this person and then she said/did..."? You thought that your lover was acting out of character when she did X, but how can you be anything other than you are?

The problem is that you are constantly forming an image of your friend, your brother, your coworker. You are like a painter constantly looking up at your subject and then painting what you see. Then, when you see something different than your picture, you are shocked. Then you are angry, frustrated, disheartened. You constructed the wrong image. You only know that you constructed the wrong image when that person violates the image you constructed.

Think about your view of God. Think of when you get angry at God. This most often happens when you "thought you knew God". "I thought God was good, but then X happened". CS Lewis calls this the house of cards. You build this image of God in your mind. The only way you find out your image is an inadequate house of cards is when God knocks it down.

We are all constantly trying to tape everyone down. "Oh, I've finally got you figured out". We do the same thing with God. Every time we try to put God in a box, he breaks out of it. Every time we try to build an image of God, he knocks it down. How often will he knock it down? How often will he smash your entire world? As often as you build the wrong image. How often will you build the wrong image? As often as you undertake to build an image in the first place.

I've got to just swallow my humanity and accept that I must let God be God.

-----------------------------------------------------

If anything I just smashed my own image of myself. When I stood up from reading to come express my thoughts, I imagined I would be able to express them so eloquently. Upon letting my thoughts stream through my fingers, I find now that I am quite unable to express myself the way I wanted to through writing.

This is for me.