I don't really think of it that often, but for some reason every time I'm in church I am overcome with the desire to steal away in the night; pack my bags for Pakistan and never come back. I don't know why I feel that, but it sure is real.
In all honesty, I really enjoy being back home. Not so much being home (this isn't my home). Not so much being with my family (a grown man is evolutionarily designed not to live with his parents). Really it's just about control.
The pastor at my Dad's church gave a very insightful sermon on Sunday. He mentioned self-control as one of the attributes of being a leader and I really began to realize how important and how powerful self-discipline is.
I am a logical person, and rigorously so. Logic is about control, about making wise decisions despite confounding factors. Do you control what you eat and drink or do your wants? your hormones? commercials? fancy boxes? fructose and sucrose? I know I control what I eat. We are no longer animals that need to be driven by obsolete chemical processes.
Do you control what you wear or do the people around you make those decisions? the TV? magazines?
Do you control what you say or do you let your limbic system take over?
There's a part of an O.A.R. song I like that says "when no substance can control you, you done conquered that fool". I don't want to be controlled by anything.
Yams!
Which brings me to what I enjoy about being back here. I enjoy strengthening my body with exercise and proper nutrition, and that is finally back in my hands again. It's fun, it's challenging, it celebrates the tremendous gift that my healthy body is. True I'm bored most of the time. True I feel useless without a job. I'll take care of that soon enough.
Plus, there's this:
